Kevin Smith Syndrome- or Dialogue

Watch enough movies, and you'll eventually notice this:

Most of the characters in a given movie sound alike. You get some differentiation from the actors- accents, styles of performing, etc. But if you were to transcribe their dialogue- free from revealing references to gender or situation- you would find that a lot of it is written in the same "voice".

Here's a scene from a recent movie- a big hit, the writer won a major award. You may have seen it. I've stripped out character names and some gender revealing words. Nothing to change the tone or style of the dialogue:


So, who’s ready for some
photomagnificence?

I have a migraine, and I
can’t look at bright lights today.

I told you to go to the
infirmary and lie down. You never
listen.

No, I don’t take orders. Not from you.

You know, you’ve been acting like
this ever since I went up to see my
brother at Mankato. I told you,
nothing happened!

Something happened. Because your
eyes are very cold. They’re very
cold. They’re cold, lying eyes.

What? My eyes are not lying!

Yes they are. Since Mankato,
they have been lying eyes.

Okay...I’m going to set up the
apparatus. Want to get a C clamp
out of that drawer?

I’m going to the infirmary.

Good.

*************
How many characters were talking? What were the sexes? The relationship? There are some clues- one of the people talking is likely a man, the other a woman. But what's the situation? What are their approximate ages?

You really cannot tell.

This could be a work place conversation- possibly a photo developing lab, possibly a research lab. They could be military- there's a line about not taking orders, but it could be a situation where there's a civilian working with the military, reminding some asshole that he or she isn't in that chain of command... which is a common trope in military movies.

Again, you really cannot tell. Because the characters all sound alike. Educated, speaking clear and concise and to the point English. No slang, no indication of accent or different levels of engagement.

For the record, there are actually four people talking, and they are meant to be high schoolers in a science lab. The writer in question got a lot of critical attention for this dialogue. For how it seemed to capture the feeling of how real kids talk.

Bullshit.

Where's the stumbling? The pausing? The rambling? Where are all the unique little indicators of individual speech? The oddities like the creeping replacement of "said"?

(I said, he said, they said? Being replaced by I go, he went, they go or went. Seriously, listen to people under thirty years of age talking. )

This dialogue was written by an educated thirtysomething... mis- remembering how people actually talked when she was in high school... and not really understanding how people talk in general.

It is scripted dialogue, substituting for the real thing.

And it sucks.

In the movie- "Juno", written by Diablo Cody- the dialogue gained a great deal of differentiation by dint of the individual actors. Ellen Page, Michael Cera- people with interesting and unique speech patterns, adding their individuality.

But if you pay attention... everyone still sounds far more alike than they probably ought to.

I call this Kevin Smith Syndrome because screenwriter and director Kevin Smith is, far as I can tell, the leading practitioner of this sort of undifferentiated dialogue.

Okay. So why am I mentioning it?

Because- as I have said- it's bullshit and it sucks. It robs the story of flavor and verisimilitude. Here's some more dialogue- another recent movie:

MAL
Doctor. Guess I need to get innocked 'fore we hit planetside. Bit of a rockety ride. Nothing to worry about.

SIMON
I'm not worried.

MAL
Fear is nothing to be ashamed of, Doc.

SIMON
This isn't fear. This is anger.

MAL
Well, it's kinda hard to tell the one from t'other, face like yours.

SIMON
I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider.

MAL
I'll look for that next time.

SIMON
You're not taking her.

MAL
No, no. That's not a thing I'm interested in talking over with you--

SIMON
She's not going with you. That's final.

MAL
I hear the words "That's final" come out of your mouth ever again, they truly will be. This is my boat. Y'all are guests on it.

***********
I chose this because- like the earlier scene from "Juno"- it features an argument. With a character who's maybe a little reluctant to discuss something.

This is from "Serenity", written by Joss Wheedon.

First thing you want to notice, each character has a distinctive speaking style. Mal is rougher than Simon. He drops bits out of his dialogue. Uses slang. It's a bit of a rough ride, in Malspeak, is Bit of a rockety ride. His dialogue has some down home elements to it. Notice, however, when Mal gets serious- he tends to drop that affect. Stop the drawlin' and y'all-in. Good writing- shows something of the character within it. Mal puts on an act- he likes to appear rougher than he really is. Also notice how quickly he makes that threat at the end.

Ever have a conversation with someone who's a bit on edge- and it turns into a fight without you really wanting one?

That's what's happening to Simon.

Simon speaks clear English, and is very direct and to the point in this snippet. He's angry- and it shows. Pinched, tight dialogue. With a certain amount of smart assed wit to it.

This is something I think all writers should aim to accomplish. This is something- when you write for actors- that you really need to accomplish. It makes the actor's job easier- you can get how to play each character in the scene direct from the dialogue. No need for detailed direction as to how to walk or move or anything. You can pull it straight from the words. You have intent, focus, etc.

Mal wants an inoculation. He comes to Simon to get it. Simon wants to talk about something that Mal figures is a done deal- and about which he is not prepared to take any shit.

Simon, on the other hand, wants to tell Mal that someone- his sister, River- is not going with Mal on some side trip. And he's not prepared to take any shit either.

This is clear stuff to play.

Go back to Juno. You get a lot less from the dialogue.

Okay. Now that we see the goal here- how do you accomplish that in your writing?

Well... it's actually pretty clear. A three step process:

1. Know how your character would speak.
   
2. Write the damned thing.
3. Edit, keeping step 1 in mind.

So. Putting this into practice... Let's say you're writing an older character- from Eastern Europe, upper class. Well, that gives you quite a lot to work with. He's not going to speak like someone from middle America. Nor is he going to speak like Dracula. While English is not likely to be his first language- odds are he will have gone to good schools and lack a strong accent. You won't be writing dialect- but you will have to account for the slight formality of speech common to people like this.

How do you know this? Research.

Okay. So when you write your character, you try and incorporate this.

COUNT LIPPI
You'll want to come in and close the door, buddy.

All wrong. Colloquial, conversational, informal.

COUNT LIPPI
Please. Do come in. If you wouldn't mind closing the door?

Closer.

That's steps one and two. Step three? Once you're finished with the story... If you're using a word processor of some kind... here's the editing trick of all time for you.

This is- and I kid you not- big time writer stuff. A secret weapon.

Pull up all of their dialogue. All at once. Independent of other characters who may be in the scene. Just the dialogue. And read it.

You'll quickly spot inconsistencies. See where you strayed from the lines, so to speak. Where your dialogue was not appropriate. Bear in mind- there may be reasons for the character to speak differently from his normal pattern in some scenes. He might be doing something where his normal pattern would be altered. Such differences should not be ironed out, but rather examined for their own consistency.

If he reverts to his native language when angry, for example... you'll want to make sure that this happens reliably.

Do this, and it will help your writing really pop for a reader- and for the actors assaying the parts. Would not doing this prevent a sale or a production of your work? Probably not. But this sort of thing does get noticed. And it marks you as a craftsman, in an area where a lot of people aren't. Which isn't a bad thing- doing the job right, rather than just doing it, having some pride in it- and which might conceivably give you an edge with someone who's trying to decide which script to work with.

A Writer's Toolkit #1

This may be a the first of a continuing series- which is why it is numbered.

A lot of writers take a spiritual approach to their writing. They speak in terms of motivation and inspiration and muses and such. They consider it an art, themselves artists, and it all takes on an element of fantasy.

Me?

I think it's a craft. Something that requires sweat and tools and discipline to master. Inspiration is nice, talent is nice, but if you really want to write... you'll often find both of those lacking. There will be days where you have no inspiration and your talent's gone for warmer weather with a hooker from Des Moines. At that point- with a deadline looming- what do you have to rely on but your craftsmanship? Your knowledge, your tools, your discipline?

So, let's talk about tools. Starting with the basic technology.

First... get a laptop computer. Something fairly small, but with as near to a full sized keyboard as you can find. This is primarily for writing, but you'll want wireless Internet capability as well. You don't want something that can play all the latest games, or movies in the latest version of high def. You want portability and durability here.

And get the largest battery they make.

This gives you something that most writers- throughout human history- have only dreamed of having. The ability to write practically wherever you want, and to produce finished product on demand. With a portable computer, you can sit in coffee shops and waiting rooms and work. Plug in a set of headphones and listen to music, pull up your word processor and just go. You can keep all of your research with you, connect to the internet to look things up, send your work to a publisher or theater company as a file... you can go to Kinkos and print things out.

No need to rush home to get something, no need to transcribe notes or notebook scribblings into text. You can have it all with you. Work at home and away.

Then- get a back up drive. Nothing worse than having all of your work vanish due to a glitch in the operating system or a careless accident. There are a variety of products available. Some even work on the internet- which is fine, if you aren't at all worried about privacy, or about someone else controlling access to your data. I have 2 drive RAID system. Redundant Array of Inexpensive Disks, if you must know. Two 1 terabyte drives, each storing a copy of the data on my laptop's hard drive. If one of the back up drives fails, I still have all my data on the other. And I can just buy another drive and stick it in the rack.

Now.

Software.

If you're writing novels or stories- you can stick with the word processor that came with your computer. It can be formatted- reaaaddddd theeeee maaaanuallll- to the proper settings for prose submissions- double spaced, 1" margins, etc. And if you need to change anything, you can do it all via a couple clicks of the keyboard or mouse.

If you want to write plays or screenplays... well... you can get add ons for Microsoft's Word- not sure about Mac- that will help you format these. But you really, really, really, really want dedicated software. There are two major programs for this- Movie Magic Screenwriter and Final Draft. You can find plenty of information about both programs out on the net, as well as partisans for either. My opinion? Both work just fine. I use Movie Magic because it seems to have been created by old Heads somehow- it has a hippy-ish feel in the background, and that amuses me. But again- both work. You should be able to get a feel for which ever one suits.

This is going to seem like sort of like a needless expense- the word processor that came with your computer was "free", after all, and you can get add ins- Microsoft Word calls these templates- for no cost.

Yeah. But a dedicated scriptwriting software is so much easier to use- once you learn it- that you'll wonder what the hell took you so long to get it.

Okay. PC, back up storage, dedicated program. What's next?

Well. Lets assume that, even with the ability to write portably, most of your writing will be done in one place; home office, sewing room, a corner in the laundry room- wherever.

You'll probably want a monitor, so you can look at things on a larger screen and minimize eye strain. And you'll probably want a mouse... and a full sized keyboard.

I have nothing much to say about monitors- get one with a good resolution and refresh rate. But mice and keyboards...

First, don't buy a goddamned mouse. They are illogical, they are badly designed. All that zooming around and clicking. I urge you to get a touchpad. Cirque used to sell them, I think the company is now called ALPS. It looks like a larger version of the touchpad that sits below the keypad of any laptop. But it is SO much more capable and sensitive. Touchpads are a far better input device than mice. Less wear and tear on the wrist and fingers- you just move your finger around to move the cursor- and tap your finger to click. You can spend hundreds of dollars on a mouse- which actually surprised me. The ALPS Glidepoint can be had for under twenty dollars if you look around. No moving parts. Lasts forever. The one I am currently using is a decade old.

Next, buy a serious keyboard. You can spend two thousand dollars on a keyboard- the Optimus Maximus, by Art Lebedev. Each key is actually a tiny color screen. You can arrange them as you will and display whatever you want on them. It's absolutely amazing- like something out of TRON. Or you can go down to the local big box discounter and pick one up for under twenty dollars.

Neither of these are, I think, a serious keyboard. At the ridiculous top end, you have something that's really set up for showing off, for being the coolest kid on the block. On the low end of the scale, you have something built with cheap parts, designed to be disposable.

Neither of these is particularly durable- or meant for heavy duty typing.

Which is what you want. Something that will stand up to an hour or so of serious typing, per day, forever. Something that won't fault out if you really get to banging along on the keys, Something that you can clean easily. Something built to a high, industrial standard. I wore out at least one keyboard per year until I figured this out.

I recommend the IBM Model M. Or a derivative thereof. First produced in 1984, the design ethic of the Model M is classic IBM: Built to last forever. IBM was in the business of selling hardware- their initial foray into computers was based on that. Hell with the software, they were selling machinery. To use an engineering term, the IBM Model M is overbuilt. They're heavy. The keys are replaceable- and washable. Put em in a net bag and throw em in the dishwasher if they get dirty. And they have a buckling spring technology that gives the keyboard the approximate feel, in use, of an old IBM Selectric typewriter.

It is- in other words- perfect for serious typing. You get tactile feedback- via pressure, physical click and sound- with every keystroke. And it will go just and fast and as hard as you care t

Another reason to use it... I used to get horrific hand cramps from typing on the keyboards that came with my computers. With the Model M, for whatever reason, I don't. Sometimes my fingers get tired from typing, but that's it.

IBM stopped making these in 1991. Their spin off- Lexmark- made them until about 1997. After that, the technology was licensed to Unicomp. You can find new- old stock- IBM keyboards, or you can buy a new one from Unicomp. Either way, expect to spend seventy to one hundred dollars- or more. There are advantages either way- genuine IBM models are genuinely built like tanks. But you have to make certain that it will be compatible with modern computers- and you will need an adapter to convert the PS/2 connector to USB, more than likely. Regardless of all that, be warned- there will be no "Windows" key. Unicomp models are out of the box compatible, they are brand new- not sitting around in a warehouse since the first Bush administration new. They have a Windows key. But they are not quite the farm machinery quality as the old IBM models.

One thing. If you do get one of these, fair warning.

They're kind of loud. The buckling spring technology used to give them their terrific tactility? You can hear that in the next room. There are benefits to this- people will know when you're actually working on something- as well as drawbacks- people will know when you're not. The sound of someone composing work is a helluva lot different from someone surfing. Your family and even pets will learn this. You will find- at some point- that a fairly constant stream of clicking is better at keeping the traffic at bay than any closed door.

That covers the production end. Other things I recommend? A nice sound system. Most computers do well with this- just buy a decent set of external speakers and you're probably set. Or if you want, a bookshelf stereo will do the trick. You will want- at some point- the ability to blot out the sounds of the house, and you will also want- at some point- a little musical motivation.

And- though this is not, strictly speaking- technology.. I do recommend at least one dog and one cat. A dog, lying on the floor by your chair as you work, is somehow very soothing. And a cat, lying in a warm spot on your desk- a space it likely made by daintily pushing some of your stuff to the floor or appropriating the printer top- is a terrific focal point for thinking.

Plus pets sort of organically enforce the little breaks we all need- to keep the fluids moving and the muscles exercised.