Kevin Smith Syndrome- or Dialogue

Watch enough movies, and you'll eventually notice this:

Most of the characters in a given movie sound alike. You get some differentiation from the actors- accents, styles of performing, etc. But if you were to transcribe their dialogue- free from revealing references to gender or situation- you would find that a lot of it is written in the same "voice".

Here's a scene from a recent movie- a big hit, the writer won a major award. You may have seen it. I've stripped out character names and some gender revealing words. Nothing to change the tone or style of the dialogue:


So, who’s ready for some
photomagnificence?

I have a migraine, and I
can’t look at bright lights today.

I told you to go to the
infirmary and lie down. You never
listen.

No, I don’t take orders. Not from you.

You know, you’ve been acting like
this ever since I went up to see my
brother at Mankato. I told you,
nothing happened!

Something happened. Because your
eyes are very cold. They’re very
cold. They’re cold, lying eyes.

What? My eyes are not lying!

Yes they are. Since Mankato,
they have been lying eyes.

Okay...I’m going to set up the
apparatus. Want to get a C clamp
out of that drawer?

I’m going to the infirmary.

Good.

*************
How many characters were talking? What were the sexes? The relationship? There are some clues- one of the people talking is likely a man, the other a woman. But what's the situation? What are their approximate ages?

You really cannot tell.

This could be a work place conversation- possibly a photo developing lab, possibly a research lab. They could be military- there's a line about not taking orders, but it could be a situation where there's a civilian working with the military, reminding some asshole that he or she isn't in that chain of command... which is a common trope in military movies.

Again, you really cannot tell. Because the characters all sound alike. Educated, speaking clear and concise and to the point English. No slang, no indication of accent or different levels of engagement.

For the record, there are actually four people talking, and they are meant to be high schoolers in a science lab. The writer in question got a lot of critical attention for this dialogue. For how it seemed to capture the feeling of how real kids talk.

Bullshit.

Where's the stumbling? The pausing? The rambling? Where are all the unique little indicators of individual speech? The oddities like the creeping replacement of "said"?

(I said, he said, they said? Being replaced by I go, he went, they go or went. Seriously, listen to people under thirty years of age talking. )

This dialogue was written by an educated thirtysomething... mis- remembering how people actually talked when she was in high school... and not really understanding how people talk in general.

It is scripted dialogue, substituting for the real thing.

And it sucks.

In the movie- "Juno", written by Diablo Cody- the dialogue gained a great deal of differentiation by dint of the individual actors. Ellen Page, Michael Cera- people with interesting and unique speech patterns, adding their individuality.

But if you pay attention... everyone still sounds far more alike than they probably ought to.

I call this Kevin Smith Syndrome because screenwriter and director Kevin Smith is, far as I can tell, the leading practitioner of this sort of undifferentiated dialogue.

Okay. So why am I mentioning it?

Because- as I have said- it's bullshit and it sucks. It robs the story of flavor and verisimilitude. Here's some more dialogue- another recent movie:

MAL
Doctor. Guess I need to get innocked 'fore we hit planetside. Bit of a rockety ride. Nothing to worry about.

SIMON
I'm not worried.

MAL
Fear is nothing to be ashamed of, Doc.

SIMON
This isn't fear. This is anger.

MAL
Well, it's kinda hard to tell the one from t'other, face like yours.

SIMON
I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider.

MAL
I'll look for that next time.

SIMON
You're not taking her.

MAL
No, no. That's not a thing I'm interested in talking over with you--

SIMON
She's not going with you. That's final.

MAL
I hear the words "That's final" come out of your mouth ever again, they truly will be. This is my boat. Y'all are guests on it.

***********
I chose this because- like the earlier scene from "Juno"- it features an argument. With a character who's maybe a little reluctant to discuss something.

This is from "Serenity", written by Joss Wheedon.

First thing you want to notice, each character has a distinctive speaking style. Mal is rougher than Simon. He drops bits out of his dialogue. Uses slang. It's a bit of a rough ride, in Malspeak, is Bit of a rockety ride. His dialogue has some down home elements to it. Notice, however, when Mal gets serious- he tends to drop that affect. Stop the drawlin' and y'all-in. Good writing- shows something of the character within it. Mal puts on an act- he likes to appear rougher than he really is. Also notice how quickly he makes that threat at the end.

Ever have a conversation with someone who's a bit on edge- and it turns into a fight without you really wanting one?

That's what's happening to Simon.

Simon speaks clear English, and is very direct and to the point in this snippet. He's angry- and it shows. Pinched, tight dialogue. With a certain amount of smart assed wit to it.

This is something I think all writers should aim to accomplish. This is something- when you write for actors- that you really need to accomplish. It makes the actor's job easier- you can get how to play each character in the scene direct from the dialogue. No need for detailed direction as to how to walk or move or anything. You can pull it straight from the words. You have intent, focus, etc.

Mal wants an inoculation. He comes to Simon to get it. Simon wants to talk about something that Mal figures is a done deal- and about which he is not prepared to take any shit.

Simon, on the other hand, wants to tell Mal that someone- his sister, River- is not going with Mal on some side trip. And he's not prepared to take any shit either.

This is clear stuff to play.

Go back to Juno. You get a lot less from the dialogue.

Okay. Now that we see the goal here- how do you accomplish that in your writing?

Well... it's actually pretty clear. A three step process:

1. Know how your character would speak.
   
2. Write the damned thing.
3. Edit, keeping step 1 in mind.

So. Putting this into practice... Let's say you're writing an older character- from Eastern Europe, upper class. Well, that gives you quite a lot to work with. He's not going to speak like someone from middle America. Nor is he going to speak like Dracula. While English is not likely to be his first language- odds are he will have gone to good schools and lack a strong accent. You won't be writing dialect- but you will have to account for the slight formality of speech common to people like this.

How do you know this? Research.

Okay. So when you write your character, you try and incorporate this.

COUNT LIPPI
You'll want to come in and close the door, buddy.

All wrong. Colloquial, conversational, informal.

COUNT LIPPI
Please. Do come in. If you wouldn't mind closing the door?

Closer.

That's steps one and two. Step three? Once you're finished with the story... If you're using a word processor of some kind... here's the editing trick of all time for you.

This is- and I kid you not- big time writer stuff. A secret weapon.

Pull up all of their dialogue. All at once. Independent of other characters who may be in the scene. Just the dialogue. And read it.

You'll quickly spot inconsistencies. See where you strayed from the lines, so to speak. Where your dialogue was not appropriate. Bear in mind- there may be reasons for the character to speak differently from his normal pattern in some scenes. He might be doing something where his normal pattern would be altered. Such differences should not be ironed out, but rather examined for their own consistency.

If he reverts to his native language when angry, for example... you'll want to make sure that this happens reliably.

Do this, and it will help your writing really pop for a reader- and for the actors assaying the parts. Would not doing this prevent a sale or a production of your work? Probably not. But this sort of thing does get noticed. And it marks you as a craftsman, in an area where a lot of people aren't. Which isn't a bad thing- doing the job right, rather than just doing it, having some pride in it- and which might conceivably give you an edge with someone who's trying to decide which script to work with.